


open water reckless fishes

by curiouscorvid (prometheanTactician)



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Arguing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 10:19:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14162673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prometheanTactician/pseuds/curiouscorvid
Summary: “...Not everyone is going to hurt you.”





	open water reckless fishes

“Edward, please-” Jon pleaded with him, sat on the edge of the bed. Hunched over, elbows on his knees. The exhaustion in his posture leaked into his voice.

“Fuck you.” The frantic packing didn’t even slow, article after article of clothing shoved into a suitcase with shaking hands, not meticulously folded as they usually would be.

“I didn’t mean to snap- I- I didn’t even say anything that awful, I just-”

“It isn’t what you said, Jonathan, it is how you said it.” Edward finally stopped just to slam the suitcase closed and glare at his partner. Were they even still partners? That was up to Edward. “You do not get to take that tone with me-”

“Oh Jesus- Just listen to yourself, Ed, y’sound like my damn grandmother.” He ran his hands through the birds nest that was his hair, a frantic energy just barely held back in his eyes, in his trembling fingers. “We are grown men, we should be able to talk things through instead of jumping to- to extreme solutions like this- Not to mention we are both mentally ill- I try my best, but not every day is a good day, Edward- I haven’t slept in-” His speech cut off, his eyebrows drew together as he thought.

He couldn’t remember. Edward wasn’t going to wait while he puzzled it out. He picked his suitcase up off the bed.

“Goodbye, Jon.”

“Don’t leave.” It wasn’t an order, or a threat. Jon’s voice was rough with the obvious lack of sleep, thick with some emotion neither of them had a name for. “Can we just try-”

“We did try, and this is what happened-”

“I already apologized- I never do that, not for anyone but you-”

“So I should forgive everything, Jonathan? Grant you a pardon in exchange for a few lousy words?” Edward turned and left the bedroom, he didn’t need to look back to know Jon was following him to the door. “A few words is all forgiveness requires, and then next time? Next time, will I have to forgive you again? What else will you be allowed to say to me without consequences so long as you balance it with contrition and affection afterwards.” At the door, he finally turned back around. Jon looked absolutely lost, eyes wide and hands twitching like he wanted to fidget.

Or hit something, Edward considered.

“What else will you be allowed to do without consequences, hm? As long as afterwards you say you’re sorry and tell me you love me-” He spoke the words like they were a mockery. Jon looked distinctly uncomfortable.

“I- Edward- What exactly do you think I’m going to do?”

“I don’t know Jon, and I’m not staying to find out.”

“That’s why you’re going? I have never raised a hand to you-”

“This is how it starts, Jon! It starts small. It starts subtle. A clipped tone here, a cruel word there. You apologize, I forgive you, you do it again. It cycles, again and again, getting worse as it goes-”

“I would never-!”

“How can I believe that?!” Edward dropped his suitcase hard, Jon’s tightly wound body jumping a bit at the sudden noise. His spidery fingers rolled, hands clenching and unclenching nervously. “How can I ever fucking believe that, Jon? I can’t! Not from you, not from anyone! Not a single fucking one of you can be trusted, and I was a goddamn idiot for thinking otherwise!” He was screaming. A distant part of himself had the numb realization that he was hysterical. That realization did nothing to help matters.

There was a brief moment of silence while Edward’s words sunk into the world around them and permeated the air.

“...Not everyone is going to hurt you.” Quiet. Soft. Hoarse, wrecked, ruined, exhausted. Jon’s voice was a trembling tone tumbling towards tumultuous tides in some sad hope they’d break through whatever had gripped Edward’s mind so firmly.

That detached, distant part of Edward - the one that knew he was in the throes of completely irrational panic and paranoia - recognized that he was the one hurting Jon in that moment. The much taller man had finally crossed his arms to hide his wringing hands. It just looked like he was hugging himself in some sad attempt at comfort, pale eyes wide and fixed on something that wasn’t there at all.

God, but he did look so, so tired.

A shudder shook Jon’s skeletal form, his arms untangling so he could press his fingers to his eyes, drag his hands down his face as he took a deep breath and gathered himself.

“Alright.” He managed, choked and unable to meed Edward’s eyes. “Okay.”

“...Okay?” Edward’s brilliant mind went completely blank. Error. Does not compute. A violently shaking hand curled around Jon’s mouth, the other arm wrapping around him again. Trying to hold himself together in more ways than one.

“If you feel unsafe here,” he continued in that same ruined whisper. “Then it would be cruel of me to- to try to make you stay.” He swallowed thickly, chewed at his thumbnail. Somehow, no matter how much he chewed or how much they bled, there was always more to gnaw at.

That was a sign, the distant part of Edward insisted. Jon didn’t want him to leave but was willing to let him go if that was what was best for Edward. That meant he cared. That meant he really meant it, when he said he wouldn’t hurt him. Edward looked down at the suitcase. Something twisted inside of him, just inside of his ribcage.

“We’re grown men,” Edward began softly. “We should be able to talk things through without jumping to extreme solutions like this.” He glanced back up at Jon as he echoed the mans own words back at him. Jon’s gaze finally flicked back to him. “But... but not right now. I think... we need to calm down.” Jon was nodding quickly in agreement, the gesture forcing him to stop biting his thumbnail. Good timing. It had only just started bleeding. “And you need to sleep.”

“Easier said than done.” He mumbled as Edward took slow steps towards him. He was nervous, for a moment, that Jon would turn him away after being yelled at in such a way. But when he reached out to caress his cheek, the other man leaned into it appreciatively, pressing a kiss to his palm. Such gestures always made Edward smile.

And oh, how Jon loved to see him smile.

“I’ll make some of that special tea Jervis sent us. See if it does what it’s meant to.” A soft kiss. A wordless apology. “Go lie down and I’ll bring it in when it’s done.”

Jon’s eyes looked behind Edward at the abandoned luggage, brow still creased with anxiety. Edward looked back at it and sighed.

“...Did I actually fold anything?” He didn’t need to look at Jon shaking his head. “God.” If Edward’s clothing was not folded or hung immaculately when he fetched it, he could not put it on. Once it had been thrown about, placed somewhere haphazardly, discarded improperly, suddenly he couldn’t bear the thought of it. Suddenly it was crawling with filth. It made his skin itch.

Oh well. He had time to do laundry once Jon was seen to.

He had nowhere to be that night.


End file.
